I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
