so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
