Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
