I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
