drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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