I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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