did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
