i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
