I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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