the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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