Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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