Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
