i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
