Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
