She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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