We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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