she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
