Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
