what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
