when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
