I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
