I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
