Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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