if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
