69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
