i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
