We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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