Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
