I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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