You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Someone shit on the floor
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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