OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My life is pants optional.
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