Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
