did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
