Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im six kinds of drunk right now
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
