my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
