my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
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