So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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