i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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