Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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