I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
