GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
