I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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