I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
