I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
