moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
