So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
