you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
