Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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