please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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