So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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