she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
