Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
