Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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