i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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