Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
